The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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