Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
