My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
