I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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