Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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