Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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