we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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