her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
