note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
