Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
