I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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