Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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