I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You made out with two different species that night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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