my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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