I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
