I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
