im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
