I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My dick has a subreddit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
