Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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