My first STD was from a foam party
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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