john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
