remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
