you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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