I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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