We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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