Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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