I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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