Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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