why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
