I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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