And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
