no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
