Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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