sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
