Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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