I heard we made out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
