Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
