About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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