i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
