Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
