just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
