You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
