i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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