I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dear god my vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
