She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
