I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
