Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
