He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
