I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
