How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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